Wednesday, November 7, 2012

I don't know if it's the cool nights or the pumpkin cookies, but I've been having some weird, vivid dreams.  I've dreamt about people from my past.  I've dreamt about going to Paris for an hour just to pick "something" up.  I’ve dreamt about bugs crawling on the walls.
Recently I had a dream I was at a party.  Mark Anthony (former husband of Jennifer Lopez) had propositioned me with a night of Latin passion (my words, not his, but I’m sure he’d agree).   I wasn't too keen on Mark Anthony.  He's not my type.  But after a while I thought "why not.  It's Mark Anthony.  He seems like a very passionate lover.  So I went to my friends and told them my decision.   They told me they heard rumors that he only has threesomes - with J Lo...   Hmmm...  not a deal breaker, but I woke up before anything happened.
Yeah, I know.  Short story.  But this is not the first time I've considered a threesome. 
 A few years ago I met a guy on an online dating site.  He had his pilot's license so he was going to fly me to Philadelphia for dinner for our first date.   He became known as Airplane Guy.  [This naming system was developed in order to keep track of the many guys I was meeting on dating web sites.  It was much easier to keep track of them in conversation by describing what they did or a personality flaw trait than by their real name].
We actually never got to fly to Philly.  There were bad storms the night of our first date.  Oh, and there's the whole "are-you-crazy-getting-into-an-airplane-alone-with-a-guy-you've-never-met" thing.
He was a really great guy - funny, smart, interesting.  We had silly conversations and laughed a lot.  There was physical chemistry as well.  Everything was wonderful.  Until about our third date when he wanted to have a talk. 
Here we go...  He's married or he lives with his parents or he is going to Antarctica for 3 years to study the ice.    I never expected what he was about to tell me.  He's a swinger.  You know - the people who attend sex parties and switch partners.  Apparently there is a shortage of female swingers in their "community".  OMG - he wanted to recruit me.  And for a brief moment, I had considered it.  I've been on dozens of dates from the online pool - and let me tell you, the pickins are pretty slim.  Here's a guy who I really like and we have a blast when we're together.  Would it be that horrible to adopt this lifestyle?  Well, naturally I said thanks but no thanks and we went our separate ways.
But as most of my dates do, this became an idea for an episode in the sitcom about my life - That's Our Kelly.
Bluzdude and I have been constructing a sitcom based loosely (or not so loosely) on my life.  This has been going on for about 5 years.  Well we have 10 pages of notes – many of which were originally written on beverage napkins from a local watering hole. 
Here is the synopsis of the Airplane Guy episode.
Welcome to the Jungle” - A prospective date asks Kelly to a “sex party”.  While revolted, she is strangely curious about what goes on there, and decides to go and investigate.  Her lunch-table friends offer suggestions on how to remain sufficiently undesirable, so to be able to observe, but not be asked to participate.  Kelly mulls over the possibility that her date may be fantasizing about her as he attends these parties.  Cue the harp music and soft focus… Party introduces the concept of the “Unfortunate Safe-word.”  Kelly observes a tragic accident.  “I guess you really have to be careful about choosing a Safe-word”.  “What did they use?”  “Backdoor.” (Or cannonball, sledgehammer, pile driver, thermos, cinderblock, bassinette, fatherhood, … perhaps have outtakes roll over the final credits, using these variations.)  
I often wonder what happened to that guy.  Compared to most of the other guys I’ve dated since, Airplane Guy was a keeper, multiple partners and all.


  1. You totally should have gone one time, just to have a look around. As I recall, that's what I advised you to do, but then that was only because I wanted to hear what it was like. Would have made for an entertaining lunch, anyway...

  2. YAY YOU'RE BLOGGING! How the eff did I miss this?

    Let's just blame Bluz. So much easier that way.

    Anyhow, swingers, eh? I dont' know any personally, but I hear they're some BAMF.

    Don't you want to be a BAMF? Do it for the kids.